Ham Solo's Invasion

It has been a long and tiring night. An intruder has entered my territory and I was busy keeping him at bay. It was not until the morning when one of my lazy resident humans got out of bed that I could relax.

Obviously they all speak the some secret evil language as my dominatrix persuaded the intruder to jump from his safe spot on top of the doorframe into a cooking pot. It makes sense: I have always known my tormentors are no better than vermin.

And this is all the thanks I get for a sleepless night of terrorising the bloody rat: They name him Ham Solo (in memory of Cheese, a previous resident vermin), feed him cheese (I LIKE CHEESE!) and release him into the idyllic shrubbery that is Camden Gardens.

For me? Not even a snack. I am on what they call diet.

Off with their heads!